Dumb People

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, ‘Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, ‘NO, it’s not.’ Four is larger than two.’  We haven’t used Sears repair since.

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, ‘you gave me too much money.’ I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.’  She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said I owed $4.25 and he was sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.’ The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s.

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.

I live near a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!   I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.’

My son went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. He asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’ He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press Ctrl Alt Delete’ and start all over?

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’ To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’ He smiled knowingly and nodded, ’That’s why we ask’

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?!’ She was a probation officer in Wichita  KS

Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to ‘downsizing.’ Our manager commented cheerfully, ‘This is fun. We should do this more often.’ Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.  A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.  A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

When my wife and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘its open!’ His reply, ‘I know. I already got that side.’ This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us… and the scary part is that they VOTE, THEY DRIVE and they REPRODUCE

 

 

Prayer

O God, may your abundant grace, the reconciling love of Christ and the indwelling presence of the Spirit make us new creatures, so that as old things pass away all things become new. May you send us as your ambassadors of reconciliation into the world, and into the neighborhood.

We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Blessing

May God’s blessing so fill your soul with gratitude and grace this day that your heart gives voice to the silent song within.

Quote for the Week

No matter the storm, when you are with God there is always a rainbow waiting.

Scattershooting

I used to love to read Blackie Sherrods column on page 2 of the sports page. He called it “Scattershooting”. It was a collection of random thoughts and musings and maybe an occasional HMMM? Most of his column was thoughts during the week that were to “lightweight” for the column on their own, but the collection was worth writing.

I am going to “scattershoot” on Fridays. Contained in this blog will be varied thoughts that I have read or heard or saw or maybe even generated in my pea brain. Probably more questions raised than I have answers, so I need your help. Don’t just read…RESPOND by commenting. Its easy. Here go’s…..

I posted a blog earlier this week about the teenage pregnancy pact. Now the news reports are saying that it was not an organized pact or maybe no pact at all. However, 17 teenage girls in one high school are pregnant at the same time. Pact or no pact, these girls decided tummy bumps are cool. No thought of their future, the child’s future, the economy of child-rearing, the reaction of their community, not to mention of random, premartial sex. Popularized by the culture of tabloid articles of “who is pregnant this week”, it is accepted as normal or maybe better than normal. Where and how do we speak to this? What does God want us to do?

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The rumor is spreading that Campbell’s soup is coming out with a LARGE TYPE alphabet soup for my people (the bifocal generation)

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Headlines this week:

NASA: Martian Soil Can Support Life

Don Imus Does It Again

Dallasites See Jesus In Granite Slab

Teeth Whiteners Exposed

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The tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.

Benjamin Mays

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What does the word “miscellaneous” mean?

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There is no key to happiness,  the door is always open – come on in!!

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O gracious and holy Father, 
Give us wisdom to perceive you, 
intelligence to understand you, 
diligence to seek you, 
patience to wait for you,
eyes to see you, 
a heart to meditate on you, 
and a life to proclaim you, 
through the power of the spirit of Jesus Christ our Lord. 

 

Carrot, Egg and Coffee

Carrot, Egg and Coffee…You will never look at a cup of coffee the
same way again…

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me what you see.”

“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, “What does it mean, mother?”

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity – boiling water. Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its
liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?”

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?  How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heart aches. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

 

Friends & Family

Tomorrow will be two weeks ago when Dr. Sharp shocked my heart. I reflected on the “second chance” that I received in an earlier post. I have another reflection today.

My wife is my best friend. I am happy that God blessed me with her, and I thank Him daily for her. Patricia was by my side all along this procedure. She is a trooper and my biggest supporter.

What am reflecting on today is the large number of friends and family that was there at the hospital, or calling me to see how I was doing, showing me love. HOW BLESSED I AM!  Even today I received a call from a brother in Christ asking how I am feeling now. WOW!

To state on the record, I am feeling great. In fact, I am feeling real warm in the love of my friends and family.

May God bless you with loving friends.

Dobson versus Obama

Read the Associated Press story here.

If God Had Voice Mail

 We have all learned to live with “voice mail” as a necessary part of modern life. But have you wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing this:

     Thank you for calling My Father’s House. Please select one of the following options:

     – Press 1 for Requests
     – Press 2 for Thanksgiving
     – Press 3 for Complaints
     – Press 4 for All Other Inquiries.

     What if God used the familiar excuse…

     “I’m sorry, all of our angels are busy helping other saints right now. However, your prayer is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received, so please stay on the line.”

     Can you imagine getting these responses as you call God in Prayer:

     If you would like to speak to:

     – Gabriel, Press 1
     – Michael, Press 2
     – For a directory of other angels, Press 3
     – If you’d like to hear King David sing a psalm while you are holding, please press 4.

One Dollar Bill

A well worn one dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty dollar bill arrived at the bureau of Engraving and Printing to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to the shredder they struck up a conversation. The twenty reminisced about its travels all over the country.

“I’ve had a pretty good life,” the twenty proclaimed.
“Why, I’ve been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise from Miami.”

 ”Wow!” said the single, “you really have gotten around.”

 ”So tell me,” says the twenty, “where have you been throughout your lifetime?”

 ”Oh, I’ve been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Presbyterian Church, the Lutheran Church, the Catholic Church, the Orthodox Church, Assembly of God Church, the Brethren Church, the Church of Christ….”

  And the twenty says, “What’s a church?”